I Took The Bait
Ever find yourself falling victim to your old patterns despite all of your efforts and good intentions?
These days I have made it a mandate that I am present and in tune with my energy, actions, and thoughts. But … when the trigger is extremely charged and the wound is very raw, the temptation to fall into an old pattern is high. It is critically important to know yourself and your “hot spots.” When we are triggered by someone or something, they are mirroring to us that which needs to be healed within us (otherwise we wouldn’t be triggered). The people or the situations in ours lives that provoke us the most are actually our best teachers (IF we can see them in this way).
The other day I was activated and the trigger was too intense that I took the bait. I bit back. I was even aware that I was highly reactive while I was doing it but I still choose to continue. It didn’t end with that event either. As the day went on, I continued to take that negative energy with me. For example, I gave into useless gossip, lost patience with my kids, and felt overall drained. It wasn’t until later in the day when I took inventory of my inner landscape, that I could feel my energy was very heavy. I knew exactly why. When we are attuned to our bodies, we can feel when we are “off.” That particular energy was draining and dirty.
So what do we do now?
I can tell you from this particular experience that once my inner landscape felt contaminated, my ego (or “false self”) was very loud. The ego is that inner voice that always has something to say and a lot of the time it is not so nice. My ego immediately had a field day with my low energy state. Thoughts such as, “You should know better,” or “Back here again? Don’t you learn?!” The ego has lots of tricks in its bag and the dirtiest trick of all is shame/guilt.
However, my authentic self has grown and has become the voice I can now (thankfully) hear and choose to listen to. It is the quiet whisper that soothes my heart. The voice that tells me that we all make mistakes and in fact, we often learn best through our mistakes. It is the voice that offers forgiveness to myself and to the other that I lashed out on.
For what I didn’t know a few years ago but definitely know now is that I am allowed to be imperfect and I am enough just as I am. I no longer need to berate myself for my wrong doings, instead I can uplift myself with my progress, my good intentions, and actively change my own energy. I know that I am always offered a new moment to choose better.
We are all enough. Just the fact that we were born is a guarantee that we are all worthy to give and receive unconditional love. So let’s make a commitment to clean up our energy, to not listen to the voices that keep us stuck, yet instead embrace our highest self, the one who deeply knows our unmatchable worth.
The next time you fall victim to an old pattern, take inventory of how it makes you feel. Journal, meditate, talk to a trusted friend and then choose to forgive and release that energy. Continue to build your muscle of awareness and with practice we will overtime no longer be interested in taking the bait.
Our inner landscape is sacred and protecting our energy is a priority. We all make mistakes. We can always choose to grow by learning from our mistakes and not allowing them to keep us stuck in old patterns that do not serve us anymore.